The Aftertaste

Sometimes we need to stir things up. Sometimes we're rudely shaken out of a comfortable ride. The path to fulfillment isn't all sunshine and rainbows...we all eat pavement or gravel once in a while. Is it pleasant? No. Will it ultimately be good for us? Yes. Then how should we greet these unappealing appetisers? You'll inevitably face a choice of whether you react to a development with a smile and a flourish or a grunt and a grimace. Now's the time to kill with kindness and disarm with charm. Let a laugh pass your lips and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the aftertaste.

Numbers

Numerologists tell us that life is about numbers. If we can only understand natural sequences, we can gain spectacular insight into the secrets of the universe. Accountants also think life comes down to numbers. If our balance sheet is healthy, all's well. If there's a deficit, all is bad. But life is not all about numbers. It's about hearts and souls, love, passion and inspiration. Look carefully at what the numbers in your life are telling you. They could just bring an abundance of what really counts.

Hiding Behind A Mask

I have to sit here and wonder about some people. I have had quite a few friend requests in the past from people I do not know. Now, being me, and being a Scorpio on top of that, I do not easily open up to people that I do not know. It takes me time to suss someone out and it takes me time to feel comfortable enough to trust someone and then be prepared to open up to them. That is just me. So now when I think back to these people that I do not know who send me friend requests. They are so upfront by asking me for my e-mail address and phone number so that they can chat more with me. Ummmm...why? You sent me a friend request on FB. We can chat there. Why must we at this stage take it to another platform? Then they seem to proceed to keep wanting to know more about me. I however feel it is a "give and take" situation. You ask me something - and I will answer. I then ask you something - and EXPECT an answer...but yet often times these answers are just avoided. This person just is not forthcoming...or will completely evade the question I asked. Then I have a look at their profiles. Mostly there are no friends to show or no friends have liked any pics they have posted. The pics are often so random or are just a few profile pics. Nothing else. No quotes. No status updates. Nothing. Then I look at photos. There are no albums. There are no personal photos. No family members. So being me. I think to myself - why? Then the best is the majority of these people have their relationship status as "Widow". Now, I am very sad for those who have lost their spouse to widowhood. But,  a widow is a WOMAN whose spouse has died, while a WIDOWER is a man in that situation. So I now have to wonder, surely you as a man should know the difference. Then it amazes me that these people will say that they are from a surrounding area close to me but yet they went to University in Russia or some random University in some never heard of place! Then the next best thing is that they are all mostly Petrochemical Engineers! What is it about me that I attract all these Petrochemical Engineers. Inevitably they are all on some contract in either Cape Town or Richards Bay. The best is those that always ensure they have a profile pic with a child. Its like they think this will give them extra brownie points or something. My point with all of this is...DUDE I KNOW you are NOT who you are saying you are! I am not just some dumb blonde!! I have the potential to see through your facade! My question to you is WHY are you hiding behind someone else's name? WHY are you not posting a photo of who you REALLY are? What is it that you have to hide? You say you want to get to know me better. You say you are an honest person. REALLY???!!! You actually BELIEVE you are an honest person when you have stolen someone else's name and someone else's photo? Do you even know that that is called Identity theft and you can be arrested for that? I am very open to meeting new people but if you are going to be pretending you are someone else, well, sorry for you, then I do NOT have time for you! You see I am so tired of all the bull shit and the lies. I have had that so often in my life that I can see it from a mile away!! However, IF you can be an honest person by just being who you are and not hide behind a fake name and profile, I will most gladly be your friend. I do not judge people who are honest about who they really are. Every one deserves to have friends. I however am only open to friends who are genuine and real.

I Will Still Rise

What Do I Really Want

What do I really want? It's not the same as what I ought to want. I want to be happy! That is what I want. Am I happy? Hmmm....I sit and ponder on this for a while. Yes - I can actually say I AM happy. I am not deliriously happy. Just happy. I would love to be deliriously happy but I am quite content with just being happy for now.

We're supposed to want what society wants us to want. But we're all idiosyncratic, even if it only goes as far as preferring 2.3 children to 2.4. Pffft...that does not even apply to me as I only have 1.1! 

I guess its about being honest about one's desires. It's okay to go after something different, if it doesn't impinge on anyone else's happiness. Let me introduce you to two of the greatest thieves of happiness. Their names are outrage and umbrage. A sneaky pair, they wriggle into our thoughts, taking offence here and registering deep disapproval there. There's nothing wrong with recognising something is wrong. But there is nothing right about welling up with righteous indignation either. Its about surrounding yourself with the right people to help you understand your feelings. 

Then, they say, finding the right person to share your life with will help make desires a reality. Hmmm...is that fact or fiction? I cannot answer that. I am still looking for the right person. I think, at the end of the day it is about being brave enough to accept yourself and you'll find that you're much happier for it. Yes indeed, I am actually much happier....

Shine Bright Like A Diamond

I Am Worthy

I always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back. Eventual happiness. But as I sit here with stones in my chest where hope used to lie. I have learned that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you. I learned that there is no use in hopeless pleas of trying to make someone stay. I have come to realise I am too good to chase someone who does not know my worth and I am too tired to keep waiting for someone who doesn't acknowledge my value. I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. I want to be loved unconditionally. I shouldn't have to fight so hard for it. I do not have the time to prove to someone that I am worth it. I shouldn't have to prove any of that. I am worth more than that. It doesn't matter to me anymore what people think of me. My focus is not on small talk. I have better things to do with my life, like become a better woman. I don't care what people say behind my back anymore because most of them never have the guts to say it to my face anyway. I don't care anymore if people believe in me or if they are going to pick up and leave. What I offered was more than good enough and anyone who wanted to walk away from that...well that was on them.