Don't Play Games With A Girl Who Can Play Better

By now, you’ve probably heard about “catfish”. No, not the fish, but the internet kind - people who post fake profiles on social media sites such as Facebook.

Many people may never come across one of these phony profiles, but, for those who do, these frauds can wreak immense havoc, mostly emotional.

I’ve come across a catfish in my time on the web and I’ve met others who have as well – and here’s something very interesting - every one of us had a gut feeling that something was “off” from the get go. It’s easy to ignore that feeling, especially if that person seems nice or popular. Or, if like many people I talked to, you don’t want to be seen as “judgmental”.

These cunning perpetrators are counting on their charm to distract you into ignoring those red flags. In my case I was facing a horrific health challenge in my life. This person was what I needed to give me hope to face the future and I chose to ignore the red flags.  

In my situation, after that initial niggling feeling, towards the end of my treatment and my road to recovery, I started paying very close attention to the inconsistencies in my catfish. It didn’t take long before I had a whole lot of stuff not adding up – I still played along but I started mentioning that things were not adding up. The best was a time difference issue between countries and this happened twice. The first was, I knew that that there were only three hours difference between myself and the destination this person was in and yet they still tried to convince me that it was 5 hours!! And then there was a rugby game that they said they would be going to in two hours in London and this time I made a point and commented on Facebook that “no, the game starts in ten minutes” – “poof” all of a sudden there was a reply “sorry cannot reply to your message – cannot access my facebook messages” – oh please!!! Then they were gone for a week…tried to come back with a lame excuse of getting drunk…Anyway, I am not going to elaborate on the details.

Here’s what you need to know about spotting a catfish:

1.    They will refuse to meet you face to face. This is a HUGE red flag and your most important clue. If they won’t even Skype, you know something is rotten in cyberworld. A common excuse: my webcam is broken. Don’t buy into that. They do not want to be seen because then the con is over. In my situation, due to my health challenge, I did not want to be seen on skype until I was ready to be seen on skype. When I was ready after my treatment and requested to skype – the subject was conveniently shrugged under the carpet.

2.    Pictures often give it away. Pay attention to their pictures. Do they only have a few and do those look like modeling shots? Are there pictures with their family and friends – and are those tagged? Do the pictures look recent or like straight out of the 80’s? Do they ever have pictures from industry events or meeting with other online friends that you share? If you are suspicious about their photos, you can use Google images to find the source of those pictures. This is how I found out that my catfish was using stock photography to represent himself – he was using a foto of a male model. I also knew this and confronted him about it – he said he would upload a recent foto – which ofcourse never happened. This was in the beginning of my treatment and I said its fine that he should just leave it. I guess I was just so desperate to keep this friendship going. When you do not know if you are going to live to see another day you kind of hang on to the things that make you happy.

3.    They tell grandiose stories (celeb friends, million dollar homes, famous lovers, etc.) and have the biggest excuses on the planet (sickness, family member dying, etc). Scratch any catfish and you’ll find a pathological liar underneath the surface. Pathological liars love to tell huge, overblown, dramatic stories. They exaggerate their pain, their fame, their wealth, and their personal lives. If your online acquaintance starts telling you something that feels like complete bullshit, it probably is. Oh yes – my friend knew Richard Branson personally, knew the Sheiks in Dubai and was apparently invited to the Gupta’s wedding!!

4.    They try to get close to you way too quickly and they love to flatter. If they are coming on too strong, be on your guard! Again, here admittedly I enjoyed the flattery – I needed it in my life. I had my family and friends supporting me during my health challenge but I still wanted someone special to be there for me too! During the darkest time in my life the flattery made me feel good.

5.    They share secrets about other people. Catfish will often talk smack about other people to build themselves up and to create alliances. By creating suspicions around other people, you’re less likely to contact them and discuss the catfish. Divide and conquer is a method to preserve their fraud. I cannot say that I experienced this.

6.    Their stories are inconsistent. If you are a good listener, you’ll begin to notice those conflicting details. That’s how I pieced together my catfish’s lies – I listened like a cop and took notes. Start researching anything that feels inauthentic Don’t be afraid to point out any contradictions. In fact, put your catfish in the hot seat and watch how they react. It’s often very telling. Once they begin to suspect you are on to them, they will usually end the friendship and of course, tell anyone who’ll listen that you threw them under the bus.

It came to a point where I had my health challenge behind me. I deleted this person and strangely it felt really weird in a sense that I really felt nothing. I cannot explain really. This person at the end of the day was there for me even with all the things that did not add up – gave me hope for the future, encouraged me, was concerned about me, made me feel good about myself. I guess at the end of it all I would have to admit that I used that to my benefit – I knew that the day would come that it would end. I think I would have to say here that the saying is true that people come into your life for a reason. I am healthy now and I am rebuilding my life. I am ME again. With me being “me” again I will not fall into that trap again. Within this week I once again encountered a fake profile. Did the homework from the outset and knew from the outset that this person was playing games. The frightening thing though was that I was ready to play the game. I accepted the challenge. I was waiting in anticipation but this person just disappeared. Just as well. I came to my senses and decided that I am not going to stoop to that level. I think it was probably the Scorpio in me that came out at the time. I was ready to sting. This time I was prepared to dish out the same crap. It comes down to “Don’t play games with a girl who can play better”.

People create fake profiles for many reasons love, loneliness, money, crime, the thrill, etc. No matter what their motive is, it’s dead wrong. While it may not be illegal to impersonate someone, it’s unethical and cruel.

You can avoid being taken advantage of one of these creeps if you simply trust your instincts and put on your detective’s cap. Always remember, your intuition is usually right and it’s present to protect you. The next time you get a funky vibe from some internet buddy, start doing your homework.