I was best friends with someone since we were at primary school together.
While she was outgoing, an extrovert, I was much shyer but we complemented each other quite well and I always felt protective of her.
We lived in the same suburb and our weekends were spent biking around and hanging out at each other’s houses.
There was a park nearby, and our gang of friends would head down there and hang out or we would go to one of the gang's houses and swim and just lie next to the pool. It was a proper carefree childhood.
Once boys got involved, things changed a bit. I wouldn’t see so much of her when she had a boyfriend.
We had fall-outs, but always made up.
She was even there at my wedding and I was at her's.
Our lives were completely intertwined. We’d chat regularly, or send messages, albeit I was mostly the one to make the calls, and when she got pregnant with twins and had them, I would give up my weekends for the first two or three months to relieve her Mom who was helping her look after them, so that her Mom could at least spend weekends with her own husband (my friends Father). I even went on holiday with my friend and her husband to help with the babies. I already had my son and as the twins grew older they loved playing with my son.
As the kids grew older, we would go on regular girls' nights out just to catch up.
We had an absolute wonderful time in 2013 when she invited me on a seaside holiday for three weeks. At that time I was dealing with my illness and had just had a couple of operations, so it was a great opportunity to just recover.
Suddenly, in late 2014, it all started to change and I realised I was being invited to fewer get together's.
To begin with, I didn’t think too much about it. But it wasn’t long until I realised that I did not fit into the circle anymore. It was made clear when one of the girls we were at school with messaged me and asked if she would be seeing me later. I told her I knew nothing of the get together. I must add here that this school friend and another only joined our get together's around 2012/2013. Getting back to this message from the other school friend. I was hurt by the fact that I had not received an invite, but I let it go. Then the pics of their night out were posted on FB. Again the hurt feelings. Next came the year end function and again I had to endure seeing the pics on FB. But again, I let it go.
I stopped calling. I would only call on Birthdays and Anniversaries. I noticed that even my FB posts were being "liked" less and less. My well wishing posts for Anniversaries were not even being acknowledged.
When I moved to where I am now I happened to post something on FB re my new garden. This friend was quite surprised I had moved and commented as such on FB. Well, why the surprise? That is what happens when you don't actually communicate anymore.
The kids were now well into their adult years and inevitably starting their own lives and getting married. I was invited to the daughter's wedding last year April 2019. I RSVP'd that I would attend. However, in March of that year I had health issues. I actually remember the date it started! 15 March 2019! It was the weirdest thing ever. It all started when I put my face up to the shower, as the water hit my face I suddenly got this shooting pain all down the left side of my face, into my neck and down my left arm! The pain came out of nowhere! I eventually started getting nerve pain in my gums on the top left side and the pain would somehow enter my left nasal cavity. It progressed to a point where I could not eat, smile, laugh, talk, yawn or even blow my nose!! It was insane! I even had a back molar extracted as it was thought it was the tooth. I had tests done. I was even scheduled for a CT scan! I was placed on all kinds of medication. I was told I had Shingles in the mouth which was a part of the Varicella Zoster Virus. Diagnosis also pointed to severe sinus infection. I then had an allergic reaction to the medicine. Easter weekend I was bed bound! By that time the wedding was a few days away. There was just no way I was going to be able to attend. I tried calling my friend but could not get hold of her so I called the daughter and asked that she please tell my friend that I am ill. I left it at that. To this day I still do not know exactly what is wrong with me. It appears whenever I am stressed out that I get this "pain" in my top left gum. It is not as severe as it was last year. I can tolerate it. When it happens I have learnt to take time out to just break away from any stresses.
Now, I must mention, in 2018 for my Birthday, my friend tried to call me but there was something wrong with my phone. I only discovered this the next day when I got her message. I tried to call her but she was not answering so I left a voice note explaining what had happened. She never bothered to call me back. In 2019, early in the year, it was my friends Birthday. I tried to call her twice on her cell phone and once on her landline. I left a message on her landline. I posted on her timeline on FB. This was only acknowledged two days later.
As time passed after the daughter's wedding I somehow sensed that something was not right. Then when my Birthday came around last year, she did not even phone or even post on my timeline. It was then that I realised this friendship has come to an end after 45 years!
A few days later, I messaged her and invited her for coffee, determined to have it out with her. It took her three days to read my message! She replied that she could possibly do the following week. I said she must let me know which day suited her. I then followed up. She gave a day. When the day came she messaged me to say she was not ready to see me as she was still hurt that I never attended her daughter's wedding.
I was gobsmacked when she messaged me this! I then messaged her back and laid out exactly why I could not attend, I also let her know how hurt I was that she could not even phone me for my Birthday and the fact that it took two or three days to even read my messages let alone respond to them! She replied that she was sorry about that with the excuse that that is just her! Carrying on further to say she would definitely see me in the New Year. I responded that I looked forward to it and wished her a Merry Christmas. To this day she has not read that message! Three months later!!
The New Year came and went. Her Birthday came...and went. Did I call her? No. I did not call her as the hurt that I have felt over these last couple of years is now no longer so easy to just let go of. Perhaps the nail in the coffin was that she had not called me for my Birthday. That pain felt like a dagger in my chest! The event that put my coffin in the ground, so to speak, was when I happened to see on FB a few nights ago a photo shoot she did with all the girls at the seaside resort where I had gone on holiday with her. Oh, and I need to add here, I found out that I was invited on the seaside holiday only because her husband had suggested it! But, getting back to the photo shoot, I get the feeling that it was done on purpose to drive the message home that she has her friends and I am not one of them.
I don’t think I’ll ever truly know the reason why she did it, I think she used it as an excuse to get me out of her life. Well, she got what she wanted.
I had to make a difficult decision for my own peace of mind. I blocked her from social media. Was I perhaps too harsh in doing so? No, I don't think so. Why? Because every time I come across her name on my news feed, my heart sinks low into the pit of my chest. All of the raw emotions return with a vengeance, and I feel a familiar nausea settle within my stomach. I feel keeping this so called friend on my social media can and will only damage me. Whatever is going on in her life should no longer concern or interest me. Not after the way she has treated me.
Unfortunately, not all friendships end nicely. In fact, most never do. Sometimes people resort to spitefulness or revenge in order to hurt you and get you to react back. These people might spread rumors, try to get people to “take their side” and dislike you, and do everything in their power to keep you angry and hurt. If you feed into these people, you will always lose. Their goal is to hurt you and make you look bad, and the minute you retaliate they win. So what do I do? Nothing! Yeah, it is definitely easier said than done, but it will only benefit me positively in the long run by not even reacting and by not being exposed to her malicious tactics.
I’ve always believed in holding on to the friends you have. That’s why I can’t get over it.
I will miss her friendship and wish I could get some form of it back, but I’d struggle to trust her again.
We knew the best and worst of each other, and when we met up after not seeing each other for a bit it was like we’d never been apart. I don't think it will be like that ever again IF we had to reconnect.
In times of loss and hurt, it is easy to forget the great things that we still have all around us. I may have lost a close friend, but I need to keep in mind the people who still have my back, love me, and are ready to help get me back on my feet after all these raw emotions I have to deal with. One lost friendship does not mean I have lost everything.
Always remember to count your blessings and appreciate what, or who you still have in your life. The wounds of the past do not define you!
