Thursday, December 3, 2015

Do You Remember...I Remember

Do you remember when I told you not to be alarmed if a fat man climbs through your bedroom window and kidnaps you. It's just Santa coming for you as I had told him I want you for Christmas...I do.  Do you remember when I got you to listen to the song "Collide"? I do. Do you remember what signs I asked you to look out for? I do. Do you remember when you got me to listen to the song "Lady In Red"? I do. I remember how special it made me feel. I remember the feeling of how my heart expanded with this enormous amount of love for you. I thought my heart would burst with happiness. Do you remember what I was wearing when you played that song? I do. Do you remember how exciting it was to wake up each new day just to discover what message I had left you? Do you remember that other hilarious song you made me listen to - "Mi aguita amarilla". I laughed so much the tears were running down my face. I still laugh every now and then when I wash the dishes as inevitably it will remind of that song. Do you remember how hard you were studying for exams? I do. Do you remember that photo of you wearing your purple t-shirt with Gato sitting on your chest? That was my favourite photo. I had it in a frame on my bedside table. The day my world fell apart, so did we. The day I found that we were no more I took that photo and ripped it into a thousand little pieces. I was so angry. So angry that all that I had worked for in terms of work was ripped away from me and at the same time the person that I loved the most was also gone from my life. But, ripping that photo into a thousand little pieces did me no good. That photo was imprinted in my mind and my heart. Today I am so grateful for that because today, when I picture that photo it brings a huge smile to my face. It reminds me of the most happiest time in my life. My time with you. I had a lot of anger, sadness and bitterness to work through afterwards. The day you left my life was like a divorce for me. My actual divorce was never as painful to me, perhaps because I was the one that left the marriage or perhaps it was because it brought me so much relief to get out of that marriage as it certainly was not a happy one. I had so much pain and anger and sadness in me when you left my life it actually made me ill. Do you know that it is a fact that 90% of women that get divorced end up with breast cancer? But that is all in the past. I think my journey forward has made me a better person and a much stronger person. No. In fact I know it has. I look at the world through different eyes. I treasure the time we had and I am grateful that I had the privilege of having you in my life. I gave you a hard time some times and I apologise for that. I know you really did love me. All of what you did proved that to me. You were the most romantic guy ever!! When I reflect back on past relationships I cannot even think of not one happy moment when I think of the others. How can I when the bad overshadows each and every one of them? My ex husband used me as a punching bag when he got drunk. I had two other relationships where I had a gun held to my head!! The one told me that he would shoot me if I left him. His brother-in-law came to my rescue. The other came and grabbed me out of my bed in the early hours of a morning, held a gun to my head and said I must keep quiet and go with him otherwise he will shoot my son, who at that time was 4 years old and sleeping in his room. This guy took me to his car and drove me to a cemetary/grave yard. Made me get out of the car and left me there. I had to walk back to my apartment in my Pyjama shirt, panties and barefoot! I was frantic to get back to my son. I had no idea what this idiot was going to do. All I knew was that my son was alone at home, still sleeping. I have no idea how far I walked, but I made it back by around 04:00am and I think it was around 01:30am when he grabbed me out of bed. Oh, and the reason he did this was because I was not at home when he called earlier that evening!!! The next day I had a restraining order filed against him and changed the locks on my door. He still had the nerve to try and come back but my friend, who lived opposite me was thankfully a police woman and she arrested him when I called out for help. Gosh, the things that I have been through. I can just shake my head in amazement. Getting back to you and me. Do you now see why I say my time with you was the happiest time of my life? You always put a smile on my face and I thank you for that. Thank you for loving me the way I deserved to be loved. You are always in my heart. I remember all the good things! A love that I will treasure!! I found that funny song as below but I could not find the animated version...have a good laugh mi gaupo...because I am :D

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