Sunday, August 28, 2016

I Will Still Rise

What Do I Really Want

What do I really want? It's not the same as what I ought to want. I want to be happy! That is what I want. Am I happy? Hmmm....I sit and ponder on this for a while. Yes - I can actually say I AM happy. I am not deliriously happy. Just happy. I would love to be deliriously happy but I am quite content with just being happy for now.

We're supposed to want what society wants us to want. But we're all idiosyncratic, even if it only goes as far as preferring 2.3 children to 2.4. Pffft...that does not even apply to me as I only have 1.1! 

I guess its about being honest about one's desires. It's okay to go after something different, if it doesn't impinge on anyone else's happiness. Let me introduce you to two of the greatest thieves of happiness. Their names are outrage and umbrage. A sneaky pair, they wriggle into our thoughts, taking offence here and registering deep disapproval there. There's nothing wrong with recognising something is wrong. But there is nothing right about welling up with righteous indignation either. Its about surrounding yourself with the right people to help you understand your feelings. 

Then, they say, finding the right person to share your life with will help make desires a reality. that fact or fiction? I cannot answer that. I am still looking for the right person. I think, at the end of the day it is about being brave enough to accept yourself and you'll find that you're much happier for it. Yes indeed, I am actually much happier....

Shine Bright Like A Diamond

Monday, August 1, 2016

I Am Worthy

I always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back. Eventual happiness. But as I sit here with stones in my chest where hope used to lie. I have learned that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you. I learned that there is no use in hopeless pleas of trying to make someone stay. I have come to realise I am too good to chase someone who does not know my worth and I am too tired to keep waiting for someone who doesn't acknowledge my value. I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. I want to be loved unconditionally. I shouldn't have to fight so hard for it. I do not have the time to prove to someone that I am worth it. I shouldn't have to prove any of that. I am worth more than that. It doesn't matter to me anymore what people think of me. My focus is not on small talk. I have better things to do with my life, like become a better woman. I don't care what people say behind my back anymore because most of them never have the guts to say it to my face anyway. I don't care anymore if people believe in me or if they are going to pick up and leave. What I offered was more than good enough and anyone who wanted to walk away from that...well that was on them.